Yet another year becomes history
As the anticipated year end is imminent, it felt like the best time to do some retrospection and celebrate the roses and thorns. In addition, I decided to share the year with you all because this year has taught me that life is extremely fragile. And it is too short to go without connecting often with people we love and care for — our friends and family.
This year started off as any other year before. We welcomed the year playing a game of Catan with some friends while Rhea was sleeping upstairs. Coronavirus and covid were still a distant foreign vocabulary. While we did not have any specific plans for the year, we knew it was the year leading to our 10th wedding anniversary and planned to go on a vacation. But that was it. In retrospect, it was wise of us to not have made any big plans. As February rolled in, we were looking forward to seeing my parents visiting us and making a trip to see family in Tennessee. Little did we know March would throw a wrench in those plans and in the basics of life.
March was a strange month. My parents came to visit but had to cut short their trip owing to the emerging pandemic and leave after just a short week with us. And working from home started. March, April, May and June are a blur. Our house went from being a quiet haven during the weekdays to a busy and noisy household every single day. The cats were not pleased with this transformation. While they loved having us all the time around to pet them, now they had to deal with a noisy pre-schooler who was out to “pet” them in every corner. I should say I am impressed with how the cats have discovered really cool places to nap in. For example, one day I found one of the cats hiding in my dresser drawer. She has evidently learned how to open drawers, hoist herself in and close the drawer!
Our routine was madness those four months. We woke up, fed Rhea and ourselves (very quickly of course) and got started with meetings and work. All the while Rhea played besides us, climbed all over us, spilt water on herself and the cats, colored the cats, hit her head on the table etc all the while we were on work zoom calls. I must mention how grateful I am to work for a company that has allowed me to let my family life seep into work meetings during this difficult pandemic era.
When daycares opened in July, we were the second parents lined up in front of the daycare with Rhea. Not because we couldn’t handle her, but because she was craving social interaction, her friends, “circle time” and just socializing with human beings of her age. And then the era of constant working from home while a cat napped at my feet started. It was bliss some days, it was a challenge some days. I missed the energy of having colleagues around me and working on difficult problems to solve. But some days, I could work out during lunch or have a quick run around the block without leaving the safety of my neighborhood, which I absolutely enjoyed. While part of me wonders if I can return to 5 days a week of getting to the office — facing the commute, parking the car, hurry to board the train, train crowds — I cannot see myself constantly work from home without the excitement and hassle of a multi-vehicle commute.
On a personal level, this year has been a time of immense growth for me. There hasn’t been a week when I have not learnt something. The things I seem to be learning seem like basic lessons of humanity but very few seem to excel at. One lesson I have etched in my existence this year is — Kindness has profound impacts, so when you have the freedom to be anything you can be, choosing kindness has lasting positive impacts. Especially opposed to judgements. I have seen that through the immense kindness that was shown to me during these difficult times. With a young child at home, the separation between work and home blurring, a more on-the-run routine that puts more pressure on me has led me to be super attuned to some areas of my life but less equipped in other areas. I have watched friends, colleagues and immediate family bolster me and show kindness. They have treated me with so much kindness and supported my mental health that I will forever hold some of them in high regard. In the same context, I have had people in my life brazenly judge me, pound me with expectations, advice and dissent that have buried me in doubts about self-worth. I now know to choose kindness diligently at every corner.
Another significant lesson I have learnt is asking questions and being genuinely curious. I am an only child and as a corollary to that situation, I have placed a lot of expectations on the world that it should understand my intent, actions and accept me fully for who I am and aspire to be. When things don’t go my way, I feel the necessity to explain and prove my sometimes too broad and sometimes too narrow of a view. Asking the probing questions to understand the origins of someone’s thoughts allows us to have a crisp understanding of their intent. In most cases, the genesis of the intent is seeded in proving self. It might in reality be totally removed from my belief system. Once that becomes clear, it becomes a much easier job for me to (a) convince them or (b) move on without having to explain my situation.
Given all this, I still feel ambivalent about bidding goodbye to the year 2020. There have been crests and troughs but it was a memorable year. I am very human when it comes to change, and I have the tendency to view change with skepticism, but I have also come to understand that as wine is better with age, my perception and wisdom is better as the years move forward. So as this year comes to a close, forward we must go. But forward we should progress unequivocally choosing to be kind to advance a message of support and understanding in times of need.
As the baton is passed to 2021, please consider this write up an open invitation to give me a call or reach out through email and text. We can have a virtual coffee. In these times, when human connection is the ultimate need of the human kind, I promise to be there for you without any judgement.